Enjoy?

Remember, you have to use a tray.

Is the Force strong with you? (If it is strong with your parents, you have a distinct advantage.) If you are choosing the way of the Jedi, then you need a new name.

Discover your Jedi Name, Padawan.

If you have been enjoying our week of [tag]Star Wars[/tag] [tag]silliness[/tag], it is likely that you have seen the films. But have you seen A New Hope in [tag]Asciimation[/tag]?

It’s not the entire film…yet. But really fun anyway.

(Continuing with our theme of Star Wars this week, we offer you this interesting job req. How do the Sith go about recruiting, do you think? Can you imagine the interview process? We here at the Silliness Lair are also forced to wonder if they get dental coverage. In any case, enjoy this silliness that arrived in our inbox.)

Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side

Consulting Group
An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn.

Duties include:
Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Master’s planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operating a variety of laser-powered hand weapons and high-powered space/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of the Dark Side is also required, which may be performed using the Force or hand weapons.

Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in study of the Force (light side or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant course work in Jedi Arts from the University of Coruscant.

Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot’s license (for all classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give in to their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable, as is the ability to speak several galactic languages.

Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.)

Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for this field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance.

The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master, and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the master’s plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens.

Applications will be accepted until the end of July. Transmit them holographically to: http://www.jobs@darkside.com
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Dark Side CG ™ is a small and highly-focused organization, founded a long time ago. Our core values reflect the short-term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy.

We provide direction to our partner organizations through knowledge management, incident control and our rapid on-site intervention expertise.

Our partnered organizations include the:
Imperial Senate
The Hutt Gambling Collective of Tattooine
and many large software companies.