(In honour of National Poetry Month, we offer you another round of Cat Haiku. These certainly seem to contain some keen insights. What do you mean your cat is in the way of the screen?)

[tag]Cat Haiku[/tag]

You never feed me.
Perhaps I’ll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
Elevator butt.

I need a new toy.
Tail of black dog keeps good time.
Pounce! good dog! good dog!

The rule for today:
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hairball somewhere
Will find in morning

Grace personified,
I leap into the window.
I meant to do that.

Blur of motion, then –
Silence, me, a paper bag.
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds –
Your foot just squashed one

You’re always typing.
Well, let’s see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box.
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle.
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What’s a ‘term paper’?

Kitty likes plastic
Confuses for litter box
Don’t leave tarp around

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

Want to trim my claws?
Don’t even think about it!
My yelps will wake dead.

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Oh no! Big One
has been trapped by newspaper!
Cat to the rescue!

Humans are so strange.
Mine lies still in bed, then screams!
My claws aren’t that sharp …

Cats meow out of angst
“Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
We could break so much!”

Litter box not here
You must have moved it again
I’ll crap in the sink.

The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for “Cup Hockey”

We’re almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt?

(A Hat Tip to Jen for sending this to our inbox. There’s all sorts of Cat Haiku out there, why not try some Dog Haiku? …and watch out for that paper boy.)

[tag]Dog Haiku[/tag]

I love my master;
Thus I perfume myself with
This long-rotten squirrel.

I lie belly-up
In the sunshine, happier than
You ever will be.

Today I sniffed
Many dog butts–I celebrate
By kissing your face.

I sound the alarm!
Paperboy–come to kill us all–
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I sound the alarm!
Garbage man–come to kill us all–
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look!

I lift my leg and
Whiz on each bush . Hello, Spot-
Sniff this and weep.

How do I love thee?
The ways are numberless as
My hairs on the rug.

My human is home!
I am so ecstatic I have
Made a puddle.

I Hate my choke chain.
Look, world, they strangle me! Ack
Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack!

Sleeping here, my chin
On your foot–no greater bliss–well,
Maybe catching rats.

Look in my eyes and
Deny it. No human could
Love you as much I do.

The cat is not all
Bad–she fills the litter box
With Tootsie Rolls.

Dig under fence–why?
Because it’s there. Because it’s
There. Because it’s there.

I am your best friend,
Now, always, and especially
When you are eating.

You may call them fleas,
But they are far more–I call
Them a vocation.

My owners’ mood is
Romantic–I lie near their
Feet. I fart a big one.

(We’ve seen this set of [tag]haiku[/tag], and others like it, a few times before, but we’ve never posted it. A hat tip to Michele for perfect timing. We hope that these haikus will bring you peace in a world of [tag]computer[/tag] evilness.)

[tag]Computer Haiku[/tag]:

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The Web site you seek
Can not be located but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Aborted effort:
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
And the presence of absence:
“My Novel” not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao until
You bring fresh toner.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

(This amusing poetry arrived in our inbox and we knew right away that we had to share it with you. We had no idea that cats were so poetic, though we did recognize their attitude. A hat tip to Nancy for sending this along. Enjoy!)

[tag]Cat Haiku[/tag]

The food in my bowl Is old,
and more to the point
Contains no tuna.
—-
So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle’s closer.
—-
There’s no dignity
In being sick – which is why
I don’t tell you where.
—-
Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.
—-
Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.
—-
Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow’s taken.
—-
Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I’ve lost interest.
—-
The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.
—-
My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?
—-
Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.
—-
My affection is conditional.
Don’t stand up,
It’s your lap I love
—-
Cats can’t steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail’s
Pulled again, I’ll learn.
—-
I don’t mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.
—-
So you call this thing
Your “cat carrier.” I call
These my “blades of death.”
—-
Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I’m convinced:
You’re an idiot.

So, it’s Saturday, and you’re bored out of your skull. Nothing on the TV. Your brother has stolen your copy of the new Harry Potter book. You’ve already surfed way too far on the internet, and had to swim back to shore without your board. What are you going to do?

Well, why not relax with a little [tag]Random Word Haiku[/tag]?

(This slightly deranged poem was sent to our inbox recently by a certain MKEJenkins. We offer MKE a hat tip…and a sincere hope that her job isn’t quite this bad. Enjoy!)

The Lost [tag]Dr. Seuss[/tag] Poem

[tag]I love my job[/tag], I love the pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss, he is the best!
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location
I hate to have to go on vacation
I love my furniture, drab and grey,
And piles of paper that grow each day!

I love to work among my peers,
I love their leers, and jeers, and sneers.

I love my computer and its software;
I hug it often though it won’t care
I love each program and every file.
I’d love them more if they worked a while.

I’m happy to be here. I am. I am.
I’m the happiest slave of the Firm, I am.
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.

I love my job – I’ll say it again
I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who’ve come today.
In clean white coats to take me away!!!!