So, have you been working on your new fantasy novel, or getting ready to play a new RPG? Having trouble with names? Why not try the [tag]Fantasy Name Generator[/tag]? With their “Simple Interface” you can get a whole list of DragonRider Names, Insult Names, or even Names with Dashes.
One of the most annoying questions in the Universe is: Why aren’t you married yet? Today we offer you some comebacks for the next time someone asks you.
Comebacks To The Question: “Why Aren’t You Married Yet?”
1. I’m still auditing the role of spouse.
2. No one I’ve met seems to be THAT stupid.
3. You haven’t asked yet.
4. Do you do EVERYTHING that’s trendy?
5. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
6. Uh, check, please!
7. Because I just love hearing this question.
8. Just lucky, I guess.
9. It gives my mother something to live for.
10. My fiancee is awaiting his/her parole.
11. I’m still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
12. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
13. I’m waiting until I get to be your age.
14. It didn’t seem worth a blood test.
15. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
16. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
17. My co-op board doesn’t allow spouses.
18. I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
19. They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
20. I wouldn’t want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
21. I guess it just goes to prove that you can’t trust those voodoo doll rituals.
22. What? And lose all the money I’ve invested in running personal ads?
23. I don’t want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
24. Why aren’t you thin?
25. My boy/girlfriends would never understand.
26. I’m married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.
27. (Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
Have you ever wondered how life would change if we had Klingons working alongside us? You’d be really careful that you had ten items or less in that check out line, wouldn’t you?
Top 12 things likely to be overheard if there was a [tag]Klingon[/tag] [tag]Programmer[/tag] on the staff
12) “Specifications are for the weak and timid!”
11) “This machine is a piece of GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!”
10) “You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you’ve read it in the original Klingon.”
9) “Indentation?! – I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!”
“What is this talk of ‘release?’ Klingons do not make software ‘releases.’ Our software ‘escapes,’ leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.”
7) “Klingon function calls do not have ‘parameters’ – they have ‘arguments’ — and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.”
6) “Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak.”
5) “I have challenged the entire quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again.”
4) “A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!”
3) “By filing this PTR you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!”
2) “You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!”
And, the No. 1 thing most likely to be heard if Klingons were programmers:
1) “Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!”
(This arrived in our inbox a while back. We feel that these rules will never stop being true. Enjoy!)
The Rules of Chocolate
* If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.
* Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
* The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car.
The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
* Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.
* A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?
* If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
* But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?
* If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
* If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?
* Money talks. Chocolate sings.
* Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
* Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
* If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated.
* Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
Tired of Extreme Ironing? Bored with Rock Paper Scissors? Why not try [tag]Cheese Racing[/tag]?
All you need is a BarBQ and some of those individually wrapped pieces of cheese.
Have you ever stopped to ponder the question: What Kind of [tag]Subatomic Particle[/tag] Are You? You might be a Quark.
You know you want to know.
Do you enjoy Badgers, Mushrooms, and or Snakes? Yes? Then boy do we have silly flash video for you. It is even continuous…so you’ll have to close it to get it to stop.
[tags]Silliness, Silly Video[/tags]
(This is another of those bits of silliness that have been circling the Internet for a while. Age doesn’t seem to have dimmed the humor, though. Enjoy!)
Peter Marshall’s List of Favorite Answers From “[tag]HOLLYWOOD SQUARES[/tag]“
1. According to Movie Life magazine, Ann Margaret would like to start having babies soon, but her husband wants her to wait awhile. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: He’s out of town.
2. What are “dual-purpose cattle” good for that other cattle aren’t?
PAUL LYNDE: They give milk…and cookies, but I don’t recommend the cookies.
3. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
PAUL LYNDE: Who told you about my elephant?
4. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
CHARLEY WEAVER: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.
5. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
CHARLEY WEAVER: His feet.
6. Before a cow will give you any milk, she has to have something very important. What?
PAUL LYNDE: An engagement ring.
7. According to Robert Mitchum, one thing has ruined more actors than drinking. What?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Not drinking.
8. True or false: Some African Watusi tribesmen greet guests by running toward them at full speed, then high-jumping over them.
CHARLEY WEAVER: This is sometimes terribly embarrassing to tall guests.
9. You’re on your first visit to Japan, and you head right for the Kabuki. Why?
PAUL LYNDE: It was a long plane ride.
10. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be at least how high?
CHARLEY WEAVER: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
11. Do female frogs croak?
PAUL LYNDE: If you hold their little heads under water.
12. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
DON KNOTTS: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.
13. True or false: Many people sleep better in their street clothes than they do in their pajamas.
PAUL LYNDE: Yes. We call them winos.
14. According to psychologists, when a child begins to get curious about sex, what is the one question he will most ask his mommy and daddy?
PAUL LYNDE: Where can I get some?
15. Your baby has a certain object which he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of his habit?
JOAN RIVERS: Yes. It’s daddy’s turn.
16. Question: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
PAUL LYNDE: Naked and screaming like the rest of us.
17. Question: Do we get heat from stars?
PAUL LYNDE: You will if I have to share my dressing room again.
18. What is it that one should NEVER do during sex?
PAUL : Point and laugh!
Are you tired of all of those same old art [tag]museums[/tag]? You know, the ones with the famous pictures in them. Well, then why not try The [tag]Museum of Depressionist Art[/tag]. It’s not just different. It’s also silly.
If you have been enjoying our week of [tag]Star Wars[/tag] [tag]silliness[/tag], it is likely that you have seen the films. But have you seen A New Hope in [tag]Asciimation[/tag]?
It’s not the entire film…yet. But really fun anyway.