Is the Force strong with you? (If it is strong with your parents, you have a distinct advantage.) If you are choosing the way of the Jedi, then you need a new name.
Discover your Jedi Name, Padawan.
If you have been enjoying our week of [tag]Star Wars[/tag] [tag]silliness[/tag], it is likely that you have seen the films. But have you seen A New Hope in [tag]Asciimation[/tag]?
It’s not the entire film…yet. But really fun anyway.
(Continuing with our theme of Star Wars this week, we offer you this interesting job req. How do the Sith go about recruiting, do you think? Can you imagine the interview process? We here at the Silliness Lair are also forced to wonder if they get dental coverage. In any case, enjoy this silliness that arrived in our inbox.)
Position Available Immediately: Apprentice Sith Lord, Dark Side
Consulting Group
An unexpected position has opened up in the Dark Side Consulting Group for an Apprentice Sith Lord. The ideal candidate for this position would like galactic travel and possess a complete understanding of and competence with the Force, or demonstrate a willingness to learn.
Duties include:
Performing competitive intelligence, hands-on intervention in support of the Sith Master’s planning initiatives, ability to travel the galaxy widely, and operating a variety of laser-powered hand weapons and high-powered space/air vehicles. Some slaying of enemies of the Dark Side is also required, which may be performed using the Force or hand weapons.
Qualified applicants would possess good communications skills (especially when speaking in menacing whispers), and would be action-oriented individuals and risk takers. A background in study of the Force (light side or dark) is desirable, as would typically be acquired by those with advanced degrees or significant course work in Jedi Arts from the University of Coruscant.
Applicants should also be familiar with holographic projection equipment, possess a valid galactic pilot’s license (for all classes of ships), and must show a willingness to give in to their hate. A proven track record of using fear and/or Jedi mind tricks to control others is also desirable, as is the ability to speak several galactic languages.
Ideal candidates for this position would also have no children or other living relatives who are strong in the ways of the Force. (A new hire would be given several weeks to meet this requirement.)
Compensation for this position is commensurate with experience, and is extremely competitive for this field. Benefits include a generous severance package, a company starship, and a dark-colored clothing allowance.
The Apprentice Sith Lord reports to and works closely with the Sith Master, and experience in such small, team-based organizations is vital to the success of the master’s plans. Discretion is also highly valued, as is the ability to see the future before it happens.
Applications will be accepted until the end of July. Transmit them holographically to: http://www.jobs@darkside.com
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Dark Side CG ™ is a small and highly-focused organization, founded a long time ago. Our core values reflect the short-term advantages of harnessing hatred for institutional power and the long-term desirability of controlling the galaxy.
We provide direction to our partner organizations through knowledge management, incident control and our rapid on-site intervention expertise.
Our partnered organizations include the:
Imperial Senate
The Hutt Gambling Collective of Tattooine
and many large software companies.
Doubtless you’ve heard of [tag]Star Wars[/tag]. We expect you’ve encountered [tag]Gangsta Rap[/tag] before as well.
But have you ever experienced [tag]Star Wars Gangsta Rap[/tag]?
No? Well, you should.
Dark Chocolate [tag]M&Ms[/tag] are among the most tempting chocolates out there, so it makes sense that they come from the Dark Side. This video shows the beginning of the M&M [tag]Star Wars Chocolate M-pire[/tag]. Our favorite part is the Wookies. Enjoy!
What if everything in Revenge of the Sith was made out of Legos? Probably what you see in this silly [tag]Lego Star Wars[/tag] video. Enjoy [tag]Revenge of the Brick[/tag], and be sure to sit through the credits so you can see [tag]Darth Vader[/tag] conduct.
(Well, we’ve had a week of Lord of the Rings, and now we are moving on to a week of Star Wars-related posts. What better way to begin, than with an extraordinarily silly comparison? This list has been around the internet a time or two, and now it appears here. Enjoy!)
Reasons Why [tag]Star Wars[/tag] Is Better Than [tag]Titanic[/tag]
Titanic’s big, but it doesn’t have hyperdrive.
Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.
Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can’t say “Look at the size of that thing!” and really mean it.
It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
People have not lost their lives trying to recreate scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.
Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut.
Two words: John Williams.
There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed “kings of the world”?
If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
“I’d rather be his whore than your wife” just doesn’t have the same sting as “I’d rather kiss a Wookie.”
Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could’ve anticipated “Luke… I am your father”?
Han Solo would’ve missed the dang iceberg!
Have you ever asked yourself: What if The Lord of the Rings had been written by someone else? Well, a while back on the Straight Dope bulletin board, someone asked this question, and the results were as hilarious as they were well done. From Hemingway to Mark Twain, it’s all there.
Enjoy.
Pervinca Chubb from Buckland would like to tell you about a place that is lurking out there on the Internet. Yes. It’s true. You can Discover your [tag]Middle Earth Names[/tag]. The [tag]Barrow Downs[/tag] even offers you your name in Adûnaic.
May Luinëaglariel be with you…